It’s Ok To Be Different…
Born On:December 19th, 2009
Subject:Diary Insights
Right?, I mean yeah… I guess so. Maybe just not as “sane” as other people.
I’ve always had names to go with it… Special K, Krazee Kira. Ahhhh. It dont bother me I guess… well… sometimes but it does in a subliminal way. I’m hardest when it comes to expressing myself. How do you SAY it? What you feel, think, want, need, love, hate…
How can you possibly express it???… Usually I try to express all of this in my words and art, but what happens when the hands you use to express YOU stop working? God!! and to bottle all that emotion up inside of oneself without having to properly release it is enough to drive anybody insane.
The thoughts in your head are so cluttered that when you finally can sort of release it in some way; that even that becomes a chore, it’s like the blackout in New York 2003 when all the traffic lights stopped and yet you were still moving without order… all trying to find a way out. Chaos upon chaos upon chaos.
In a unconscious way, you create a separate void inside yourself or focus on one particular subject as to not have to race with all the things you begin to throw in the back of your mind. It makes day to day planning unbearable, like a handicap trying to walk for the first time in a frantic moment. How can you run to something when other parts inside you are also trying to run in different directions???
I dunno… that’s just it. I … Don’t … Know. My head can perfectly execute a situation and conversation, normal gestures, but outside I’m so sparatic, so undone, so clumbsy. That I look like I just don’t know what I’m doing at all.
And this is the sole miscommunication that I have with most people… putting it out. How to make this frank? How to make this sound right? How to make this understood? How to make this connection? … maybe I’m light years ahead of people. As I always seem to be understood years later. Time… always a thing with time.
I use this frustration as the reason why I end up doing everything on my own. This way I don’t have to stumble with getting people to get it across.. trying to forcefully get them to see things my way, because they utterly misinterpret everything that I say. I seem to never have a dull moment… not even on a boring day.
And yet… all I seem to want these days is to connect all the dots, communicate with like minded people who understands and relax a day… and I mean really relax a day, no thoughts in my head. Where I could just read a book or watch a movie straight without becoming distracted with thinking this or that. And maybe if I can advance that I can just have a day where I’m relaxed in a fixed position gazing at the sun and not thinking anything at all… sort of like I do when I’m in the water floating upwards towards the sun, but there I’m also focusing on staying afloat…..
Darn good thing I’m re-planning… planning.
Superstitions
Born On:December 16th, 2009
Subject:To The Drawing Board
I have this thing about luck… I’m very lucky and unlucky at the same time. But the unlucky things in life make me unstable and I’m fairly superstitious, well what if this can be undone… sooooo I am now doing another project (off the side of the stop-motion) in undoing the luck. Full details after this is complete… for now I show some starting pics.
Clothing Selection for Stop-Motion
Born On:December 15th, 2009
Subject:To The Drawing Board
So looking forward to the finish of this project. Here are the picks for the clothes associated with the stop-motion mini trailer to …Wanna Read The Rest???»
Camera Cloak Weapon
Born On:December 10th, 2009
Subject:To The Drawing Board
In my defense, I’m not going to shoot anyone. Except myself! These are my tools for my little portfolio project. Ain’t it cute how the little gun and lens look like a camera??? My camera and filmers are my weapons. Okay… back to work!